I’m wrong on all counts. Like the rest of America, this food was assembled in a Thai sweatshop — cheap, fast, and ready to be overpriced. Everything is fried to the point of petrification, impossible to cut with the terrorist-safe plastic ware and too hot to eat with your fingers. The steamed “spring” vegetables have the taste and consistency of artificial Styrofoam greenery from a hobby shop. Only the beer is cold . . . but I have to order it three times before it arrives.

And, I’m sorry, but when did Mariah Carey record at Sun Records? I only ask because she was on heavy rotation during the overhead muzak. As were those other Missisippi Delta classics, Celine Dion and Fergie.

Awful. I escape, grateful for once to be getting on a plane.