Tag: daughter

  • “She won’t rest.”

    My daughter is almost nine but we still use a monitor so that we can hear her if she wakes up in the middle of the night.

    My wife has gone to bed and I am up late, doing some work I brought home from the office.

    The monitor crackles and my daughter calls for me.

    When I head upstairs, she is already out of bed, standing there in the semi-dark.

    “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

    She looks at me, eyes clear but confused. “She had to… she wasn’t…”

    I try to lead her back to bed but she stays there, looking around the room.

    “A lady was… she had to get up, her daughter… She won’t rest. She won’t rest.”

    I help her back into bed, make sure she’s settled, and head back downstairs.

  • hereditary

    Sitting at the dinner table, my daughter suddenly turns and looks over her shoulder.

    “What’s wrong?”

    She turns back around. “That was weird,” she says. “I heard someone say ‘Yeah’ behind me.”

    We go on with our dinner and I make a mental note to talk with my wife.

    We’re starting to see more activity around the house. There’s a little bell in my head ringing, signaling that our daughter might become the focus for it.

    I also can’t help wondering if, somehow, this is inevitable for her. If this thing I’ve carried for so long might turn out to be hereditary.

  • not a cat, not a dog

    This evening as I was taking my daughter upstairs to bed, she froze outside her open bedroom door.

    “What’s wrong?”

    Staring into her room, she said “I just saw a cat or a dog or something on my bed. It looked up at me and then slid under the covers.”

    I turned the lights on and we went in. Of course there was nothing there.

  • nemesis

    Talking with my wife today about recent events, particularly those involving our daughter. Making plans for when the exorcism should be performed, discussing when she might be able take our daughter out of the house for an hour or two. So I can work.

    She remarks that we should time it with the next full moon phase. Personally, I don’t necessarily see that as a requirement for this particular sort of entity but we’re in this together, she knows what she’s talking about, and it can’t hurt to check when the moon will be full next.

    Eight days away.

    So we have to keep it tamped down for about a week. A few simple cleansing rituals, push it back into the corners and make sure not to give it anything to gain strength from — no negativity, fear, stress.

    Fair enough.

    Starting in on some work at the office, Spotify’s “Your Discover Weekly” playlist queues up a song I haven’t heard (or even thought about) in almost two decades. Shriekback’s “Nemesis”.

    I have a faint memory of seeing the video for this song on MTV, recalling a vague sense of unease and dread that it instilled in me — the feeling that something dark was being invoked.

    “No one move muscle as the dead come home.”

    Okay then. Thanks Spotify but if you’re going to be like that I think I’ll just go with Sirius XM for the rest fo the afternoon.

    The song playing on Sirius XM is, you guessed it, Shriekback’s “Nemesis”.

    That’s… odd, I think to myself.

    And then the next song is Depeche Mode’s “Blasphemous Rumors”.

    After that, it’s INXS “Devil Inside”.

    Makes you wonder, wonder, wonder…

  • not a bat

    “She says she saw something in the back stairwell,” my wife tells me.

    Our daughter is eight years old and not prone to flights of fancy or making things up. Also, we have been very careful to not let her overhear any of our conversations about what is going on here at home.

    When I talk to my daughter, this is what she tells me:

    She saw something hanging from the wall in the back hallway, up near the ceiling. A big dark mass, something solid. About the size of a cat. It reminded her of a bat, curled up and hanging there. It was alive, “kind of like an animal.” She ran to get her mom, thinking it might be a bat (we get them sometimes in the house, especially during the summer) but when they got back it was gone.

    If there was a bat that big in our house, I tell my daughter, we would know it.

    “You did the right thing,” I tell her. “If you ever see anything like that again, just come and get me or mom right away. We’ll take care of it.”

  • sick girl

    My seven-year-old daughter has been sick for a couple of days. High fever, probably the flu.

    She woke up tonight, sometime around 9 o’clock, frantic and consume dwith a fear that she could not (or would not) articulate.

    Glassy eyed, staring… Looking from my face to the face of her mother… She would not answer our questions.

    What’s wrong?

    Are you going to be sick?

    Did you have a bad dream?

    Her hands shook. Her feet trembled. She did not answer.

    Finally, after much questioning, she said “Tomorrow. I’m scared of tomorrow. The flashing lights.”

    Unsettling.

    Maybe it was just a dream. Night terrors that she inherited from her mother or for me.

    But I pray she didn’t inherit something more from me, that intermittent precognition that sometimes comes to me in dreams.

    In my mind, her half dreaming words made me think of nuclear war.

  • danger

    A kitchen, a house in the country — dry and dusty, very little greenery.

    A little boy with dark hair and a baby face sits at the kitchen table playing with an old wooden birdhouse.

    I see a yellowjacket crawl sluggishly over the back of the birdhouse. Inside I see the telltale paper comb covered with more yellowjackets.

    I shout a warning to the boy — he is my son in this dream — and he laughs at my fear. I command him to take the birdhouse out of the house.

    He does grudgingly.

    I turn to see a girl — his sister, my daughter in the dream — sitting on the floor by my briefcase. She is playing with another hunk of honeycombed nest. She digs her finger into a hole, tearing at the gray papery mass, and draws out a still pupating larva. 

    She tells me it’s safe.

      
     

  • in the bathtub

    Gus Was A Friendly Ghost
    “What’s a haunted house?”

    My daughter is four years old and, a few days before Halloween, she’s decided to start asking questions.

    I wring out the washcloth, buying time. We don’t talk about these kinds of things around her. She has a couple of picture books, but…

    “What honey?”

    “What’s a haunted house?”

    “Well . . . that’s a house where ghosts live.”

    For a minute I think I might have dodged the real question.

    Nope…

    “And what’s a ghost?”

    “Well…”

    That’s not so easy to answer.

  • a fall

    When I get home after work, my youngest daughter meets me at the door. I’m late and phoned ahead to say they should start dinner without me.

    A plate of half-eaten food waits at my wife’s place at the same able. But she is nowhere to be seen.

    “Mama went upstairs,” our daughter tells me.

    After a few minutes, my wife comes downstairs. She takes me aside.

    “Just before you came home, there was this huge crash from upstairs. But it wasn’t like the knocking from before. It was like someone just dumped an armful of books onto the floor right overhead. And it was fucking loud. ”

    She is rattled, just a bit. I wait for her to go on.

    “I went up and Vincent” — that’s one of our cats — “Was sitting on our bed, frozen. His eyes were fucking huge.”

    She couldn’t find anything out of place in our room, nothing to explain the noise.

    I go up to check and, yeah, there’s nothing.

    Later, she notices that a framed photo on a high shelf behind our bed is laying flat on its face.

    It’s a photo of the two of us.

  • on the way to bed

    10441532_10152677677358637_6430375996104631477_nConversation with my four-year-old daughter…

    “Time to sleep, sleep and dream.”

    “I don’t always remember my dreams.”

    “That’s okay. They remember you.”

    I think this might be the best thing I have ever said or ever will say.

  • passing by

    upstairs bathroom - the last houseIn the upstairs bathroom, I stand and wait for my youngest daughter to finish.

    My back is to the door. Given my history, that’s uncommon.

    As I help her down off the toilet, I catch a glimpse of someone passing behind me — walking through the hallway just beyond the door. I assume it’s my teenage daughter coming out of her room to head downstairs.

    But the hair was too dark, too long. And she did not stop to say goodnight to her sister.

    And there was something cold in her manner.

    While my wife puts our toddler to bed, I go downstairs. My middle daughter is there on the couch.

    “Have you been down here this whole time?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

    “Yeah, why?”

    I shrug. “Just wondering” I reply . . . though I am not really wondering.

  • stench again

    That smell again. A warm, yellow smell of rotting fish.

    My youngest daughter and I are in the back hallway when it drifts past. It almost seems to stop and turn back, encircling us for a moment.

    20140720-132247-48167758.jpg

    I look down and see that my daughter has wrinkled her nose.

    After a moment, the stench dissipates.
    I can find nothing that might’ve been the source.

  • bath time

    “Will you check the tub in a minute?”

    My wife comes into the room, a little cross. We are getting our daughter ready for bed.

    20140512-203346.jpg

    “What’s wrong?”

    “There was almost no water in the tub and it was cold.”

    “Really?”

    She repeats this again. Unspoken is the rebuke — or, perhaps, the fear — that something odd has happened.

    It was full, I know. And warm. I checked it myself just a few minutes earlier.

  • the walking men

    Three or four times now, while I’ve been walking in the neighborhood with my youngest daughter, I’ve seen a man wearing a long black overcoat and a fedora.

    Three times now. Three different men. One of them is quite young, perhaps in his early twenties, with scraggly facial hair and glasses. Another is older, around my age. And another was a bit plump, balding. Unlike the others, he carried his hat in his hand. His face was shiny with sweat.

    They do not notice me, do not give off a feeling or “vibe” of any kind. Apart from their odd (at least for the season and area) apparel, there is nothing particularly interesting about them.

    They walk with purpose, always heading north.

    20140509-084042.jpg

    (Strangely, this coincides with some recent reading I came across about Walter Gibson and the odd sightings at his house on Gay Street.)

  • kitchen door

    For some reason, I am holding a bottle of olive oil in my hand while my daughter and I take a walk around the block.

    (We are not at home, this is not the neighborhood where we live in the waking world. This is someplace else. I do not recognize it from either my dreams or the waking world.)

    Midway through the walk, she becomes scared and tries to hide between two hedges. Losing sight of her fills me with panic and I cast about, calling her name. Her whimpering draws me to her and I coax her out: “Let’s go home. We don’t need to finish this.”

    On the way back I notice that the olive oil is bubbling, almost boiling. The cap on the bottle is venting, spitting like a soda bottle that’s been shaken up.

    The house is dark inside, cheap paneling and shag carpet. The furnishings are mismatched and poorly constructed. My daughter runs through a low doorway looking for her mother. She is still terrified and I am starting to feel the same. There is an oppressive presence in the house.

    I feel it everywhere. For some reason my daughter hides under a low curved desk — a terribly tacky paneled affair with a curved return to one side. I try to climb below it to get her out but it is a maze of panels and pressboard beneath. I discover an electrical outlet bristling with jerry-rigged extension cords.

    The door to the kitchen opens before my hand can reach the knob. I attempt to pull it closed and I can feel the strength of an unseen hand pulling back against me.

    It is far stronger than I.

  • little girls

    Reported by my wife:

    A few days ago she and our daughter were in the back stairwell, getting ready to go for a walk. Once she got our daughter into her shoes, my wife sat down to put her own on. While she was doing this, our daughter went down the three steps to the back door.

    My wife could hear her down there.

    “Who are you talking to, honey?”

    “I’m talking to the little girl,” came the reply.

    “What little girl?”

    “The one right here.”

    A sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, my wife asked “What does the little girl look like?”

    “She looks like a sheet.”

  • gentleman caller

    …and while my daughter plays in the tub, there’s a sudden wave of men’s cologne — acrid and sour — that passes over me. My throat closes, I am overcome with a coughing fit.

    Inexplicable. My wife does not wear perfume. I do not wear cologne.

    It lingers for a number of minutes there in the bathroom before slowly dissipating.

  • early morning

    Woken by my daughter early this morning, unable to get back to sleep so I head downstairs to sit in the predawn dark, looking up from my book from time to time as little beads of shadow stream across the floor like dark mercury.

    An hour or so later, I hear footfalls overhead.

    They move through the laundry room to the back stairs. But they do not descend.

    Later that morning, I ask my wife if she got up earlier. She did not.

  • peeking

    Later…

    Sitting in the living room, talking with my wife while our daughter plays . . . I see someone peek around the corner of the entry leading into the dining room, a brief flash like someone pokes their head out for a quick look and then ducked back behind the wall when I looked in their direction.

    Still cheating with my wife, I rise and go to have a look.

    Nothing. No one.

    I sit back down and we continue our conversation. Over the next few minutes the peeking face pops out again five or six times. Irritating.

    I check again, making sure no one is there. It’s starting to wear on me. I have this feeling someone is deliberately messing with me.

    The face is round-cheeked, almost cartoonish. With high brows and a surprised expression. I am reminded, vaguely, of Randy Quaid.

    The skin on my forearms stings, as though sunburned. My hair stands on end. I am chilled.

    One last time the face pops out. This time it has changed. No longer the goofy expression, now the eyes are dark pits and the gaping mouth flaps open, an insane toothless maw. Horrid.

    When I get scared, I get angry. And I am very angry now.

    My wife asks “Are you okay?”

    “I’m having a bit of a problem at the moment.”

    After filling her in, I burn some myrrh and juniper — offering to the gods and banishing anything else.

    Nothing for the rest of the night, but the clammy feeling left by the memory of that hideous face still clings to me.

  • masks and shadows

    Changing the sheet on my daughter’s crib tonight, strange flashes of faces in her room — white and black, bold stripes and contrast, large teeth and bulging eyes framed by wild hair . . . almost like the stark, menacing glee of Japanese oni masks.

    These flashes, somewhere between a mental image and a visualization — not quite registered by the eyes or by the mind, but in a layer between them.

    They’re there, they’re gone.

    Puzzling.

    Later…

    Passing by the kitchen window I catch a glimpse of a dark figure striding across the roof of my neighbor’s house.

    There . . . then gone.

  • the floating eye

    …and I have no breath to scream as my daughter falls twenty feet to the hard concrete floor, a gasp pressing out of my as I run to pick up her tiny, limp body.

    “Oh god, her eyes…”

    I turn away hiding her face from my wife so she cannot see how our daughter’s right eye has become detached and is floating freely between one socket and then other as she tilts her head, a dreamy smile on her face.

    It is horrible to see. It is my fault.

    So horrible that, later that day, I decline to tell my wife the particulars of my dream. I want to spare her the horrors of that image, the drifting float of our child’s eye.

  • daycare rescue

    Somehow, I have become two people. There is the adult version of me, as I am now. And there is the teenaged version of me.

    Together, we are plotting to rescue my youngest daughter from her daycare. The details of why she needs rescuing aren’t explained but, armed to the teeth and sick with worry, we make our plans.

    (Even in my dream, the proximity of guns and children disturbs me. My younger self tries to reason with my older self, to convince him that it’s better to go to the police. But he/I refused.)

    We sneak into the school one night — something else that isn’t explained, why it’s nighttime — doing our best to bluff our way past the receptionist. Explaining why there are two of us is difficult.

    My older self is relieved when my teenage self says “I’m her older brother” — good thinking, kid.

    We do our best to keep the guns hidden as we make our way through the halls. But one of the kids sees the sawed off shotgun my younger self carries under his/my trenchcoat and we’re off to the races.

    Teachers and parents and children scramble everywhere in a panic. With the police on the way, we rush into a classroom and get my/our daughter out safely. No one has been hurt, no one has been caught.

    But back at the house, the police are waiting — painting the cheap stucco walls of our neighborhood with screams of blue and red.

    My older self says “Take care of her for me…” leaving my younger self to hold onto his/our daughter while he/I (the older version of me) leads the cops away. He doesn’t get far. And neither do we.

    It is terrifying, stressful, and heartbreaking. And I am relieved when I wake.

  • just another white trash weekend

    …for some unknown reason, our family has been relocated to what can only be charitably described as “the bad part of of town.”

    The neighborhood is a congregation of cheap, prefab homes and trailers jumbled together with only the thinnest of spaces between them. The houses stand (barely) on two hillsides with the street running between them. Each house is a hodgepodge of aluminum siding, cardboard boxes, plywood scavenged from packing crates — all tacked on to supplement the cheap, original structures. If houses were hobos — with layers and layers of clothes scavenged from thrift stores covering unwashed, diseased frames — they’d look like this neighborhood.

    The only comfort I have is the knowledge that we can sink no lower.

    A married couple we’re friendly with has come for an afternoon visit. It’s not really very pleasant, having someone stop by unannounced at your hovel. We do our best not to let them see the stress and shame they’ve imposed on us. But it isn’t easy.

    Our friends take it upon themselves to do us the favor of building a rabbit hutch in the small side yard of our house. My wife goes out to supervise, to make sure they don’t take away too much space from our meager garden. The stunted corn stalks and tomato plants are all we have, some days. Rabbits will add meat to our table, if we can find the will to follow through. At the very least, our daughter will have a few fuzzy little friends to brighten her days.

    While they’re working, I hear noises from the street out front — men’s voices raised above the groan and clank of heavy machinery. I realize that a work crew from the city has begun tearing up the street out front.

    I head out to the sidewalk to find that most of the street is already a jigzaw puzzle of broken asphalt and concrete. A wide trench twenty feet deep already runs down the center, swallowing steet and sidewalk whole. It stops just before our driveway. I manage to flag down one of the workers and beg him not to continue until our friends can back their car out of our driveway. I have no desire to spend the next two weeks stuck with them as houseguests.

    The man, heavyset with a dark bushy set of eyebrows and matching mustache, rolls his eyes and shrugs massive denim shoulders. He heads off and I rush back to let our friends know they need to go. I’m relieved to see them back their car up the street, barely ahead of the steam shovel.

    It is only after they’re gone that I realize that we’re now trapped, unable to back our own cars out. I grind my teeth, already rehearsing the phone call to my boss in the morning. I don’t even know how to figure out the bus route in this part of town.

    As evening falls, it’s clear that the street construction is the big show for the evening. Up and down the street, everyone in the neighborhood comes out to sit on their steps and drink beer. Women socialize and men laugh and tell dirty jokes while their ragged children scramble among the dusty machines.

    I shake my head, amazed at the white trash spectacle of it all. I head back up my steps to go inside and help my wife get the baby ready for bed. I see a small red and white coffee cup that she left out on the stoop. I make a mental note to come back out for it once bedtime preparations are underway.

    The time inside with my wife and daughter is an oasis from the squalor and chaos outside. I feel a rush of gratitude and know that, no matter what, we will always have this. It is all we need.

    Outside, I find that the cup is gone. Puzzling.

    A few feet away, our next-door neighbors sit on their steps doing their damnedest not to make eye contact with me.

    The patriarch of the clan, a borderline obese old bastard in work pants and a white dress shirt with coffee colored accents under the armpits, sucks sucking his false teeth and taps his cane on the steps, knocking out loose stones and gravel with the tip.

    “Excuse me,” I say to him.

    He looks at me through the thick lenses of his glasses, his eyes lie raw eggs floating in their yolks.

    I don’t even bother pretending to give him the benefit of the doubt. “There was a cup out here a few minutes ago. What did you do with it?” It’s obvious to me, and obvious to him — we both know what happened to it.

    The man waves his cane in the air, dismissing me without bothering to look my direction. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, son.”

    This is intensely annoying to me. The cup is nothing, a cheap thing that has no nostalgic or sentimental value. But it’s the principle of the thing. I pass across to their steps, standing just below him. “What’s your name?”

    “Walter.” I am gratified to see he looks a little bit wary.

    “No kidding? My grandfather was named Walter.” I looked him directly in the eye, as much as his distorted lenses will allow. “But he wasn’t a thief — not like you, you lying son of a bitch.”

    Everyone freezes. One of the young guys in his family stands up, fists balled. He’s half my age, sporting the lazy muscles of a kid with too much time to find a job but not too much to work on his tan. “What’d you say?”

    “I said, this old bastard stole my coffee cup.” I keep my eyes on the old man. “Right, Walter?”

    The old man considers this, his jaw moving thoughtfully. After a moment he flaps a hand at his grandson, waving him down. Walter rises like a antique doll, unfolding his limbs carefully. He motions for me to follow him back up the steps into their house.

    I tip my chin at the young punk as I pass. He face is red to the roots of his bleached hair. He looks like an Oompa Loompa.

    Inside, Walter leads me through a dim maze of little rooms and hallways cluttered with junk and more members of his family. Every sound within and without rattles along the cheap fiberboard walls. Surprisingly, I am not worried. Just curious about where this will go.

    Finally he steps into a large area at the back, a garage with high ceilings that dwarfs the rest of their dwelling. Inside are vintage automobiles from the 30s and even earlier, all perfectly restores. Along one wall are antique signs from the turn-of-the-century. A mint condition jukebox sits in one corner, bubbling quietly to itself. Little shelves line the walls with knickknacks and memorabilia from decades past.

    I realize that everything here, even in the automobile, is branded by the Coca-Cola Company. All in red in white. Like my cup.

    He turns, giving me a minute to take it all in. “Why would I take your shitty little cup, when I have all of this?”

    He’s making my argument for me. We both know we took it for his collection. And I say so.

    He looks me over for a long moment, clears his throat and spits on the floor at my feet.

    Without a word, he turns and leaves me there alone. I consider hunting through his collection to find my cup, or a least one to replace it. but I realize that I’ll be thief if I do.

    I head back out through their white trash warren. He is waiting on the steps, as before. As I pass he says, again, “Why would I take your shitty little cup?”

    I don’t answer. Back on my steps I stop and turn to look at him.

    It takes maybe ninety seconds for him to deign to turn his head in my direction.

    “Go fuck yourself, old man.” Before he can respond, I head inside.

    My wife and I decide that we’ll sit on the back porch tonight. Better than putting up with the human carnival of misery out front.

    The “back porch” is really nothing more than a set of corrugated iron steps leading down to a patch of dirt where our daughter plays. A few of her toys and action figures are scattered here and there among the scrubby grass and mud puddles. But she is too tired to play tonight, so we just sit together. My wife and I talk in low voices while we wait for our daughter to doze off.

    My wife holds the baby — not so much a baby anymore, really — leaning back against my chest. A few stars are visible in a little scrap of sky overhead. Quiet. Peaceful. All we need is this, being together.

    After a while, I feel my wife’s hand at the fly of my jeans.

    “Not in front of the baby…” I say, mildly shocked and mildly thrilled.

    She chuckles and leans back, her mouth against my neck. “She’s out like a light…”

    …aaaaaand, regrettably, that’s when I wake up.

    After a little tossing and turning, I manage to fall back asleep once more, hoping I don’t miss out on the good parts…

    …as we’re getting ready to head back in for the night, our neighbors on the other side spill out into their little patch of backyard. Fifteen people stand around, drinking beer and talking over the techno music blaring from the open doorway.

    I can feel the thump of the bass in my lungs. The baby stirs and my wife sits up, gives me a look — one that we have long shared about our neighbors. She sighs and heads inside with the baby, leaving me to deal with the guys next door.

    They’re not bad guys, really. They just forget that other people sometimes need to sleep. They’re always very nice when I remind them.

    And they’re big nerds, which I appreciate. Everyone at their party has a t-shirt referencing Doctor Who or comics or Star Wars.

    I get up and go over to one of them and he gives me a friendly nod. “Dude, check it out…” He proudly displays his shirt, stretching it over his dumpy frame. Every single one of these guys is built like the comic book store owner from The Simpsons. His shirt features a black and white picture of Bart Simpson captioned with a clever gay double entendre.

    (For what it’s worth, I could not remember the double entendre once I woke up. But it was funny, I promise.)

    I smile, in spite of myself. There are worse things than living next door to a trailer full of pleasantly homosexual nerds. I just wish they would stop inviting me to go clubbing with them.

    I decline tonight’s invitation, yet again. I’ve got work in the morning, I tell them. “And I’m not really on your team, you know.”

    One of the other guests chimes in. “There’s no teams, man. Don’t you know being gay is just a percentage?”

    I shrug, pretending to consider my options for the very first time. “Maybe that’s true . . . but none of you faggots are George Clooney,” I say good naturedly. It’s a running joke between us.

    They explode with laughter.

    Another one makes hip thrusts in my direction. “Hey man, I’ll be your Clooney. You won’t know the difference.”

    I give him a scornful look. “Who says I’m a bottom?”

    This cracks them up even more. One of them offers me a beer.

    I decline. “Seriously… I gotta work in the morning.” I make one last attempt to plead my case. “And we’re trying to get the baby to sleep, so can you maybe turn the music down?”

    One of them heads in and, a few seconds later, there is an imperceptible reduction in the volume. He comes back out. “How’s that?”

    I’d give him a resigned nod. “Perfect, thanks…”

    I head back over to climb the steps of our little house, hoping my wife’s still awake…

    …and then I’m back in bed, cold afternoon winterlight slanting in through the window. Across the hall, I hear my wife talking to our daughter while she changes her diaper.

    Feeling very lucky to have them, to have this life, I get up from my nap.

  • weird stuff

    I said to my daughter “Get behind me.”

    “What’s wrong?”

    “I’m not sure. Something weird’s going on.”

    “I can handle weird, dad.”

    I looked at her. “My kind of weird.”

    She got behind me.

    [I’m guessing at the date on this one, based on something I posted to Pinterest seven months ago. Apparently this dream involved skeletons and a doctor’s waiting room.]

  • home invasion

    [This is directly transcribed, without changes or edits, from a journal entry dated January 6th, 1997]

    I stand in the front window and watch as the car makes its second pass, making myself as visible as possible to the men inside . . . letting them know that there are people home and they’ll have to find someone else to rob.

    On their fourth pass, I make eye contact with the driver and I know then that this is no normal robbery. They want me to see them.

    We stand there, watching the pass and I realize that we’re being diverted.

    Misdirection.

    Someone is already in the house, I know. Someone came in the back — the car had been empty? The car had been full on the first pass, but the last few times, I could see that the men inside were not so cramped; one of them was gone.

    They were already in the house.

    Through the house I go, searching.

    Passing by my room I see that the french doors have been kicked in.

    Someone is in the house.

    In a back room, my teenage daughter’s room, I find them. He is sitting at the piano, holding a gun in her face. She sits on the bed, crying.

    With a broken crystal candlestick, I stab him in the back — just to the left of the spine — before he can turn.

    Push the splintered end deep into him, glancing off the shoulderblade, scraping against the bone.

    He breathes once, heavy, and then dies.

    When the car passes by the window again, I am there — his head in my fist, raising it high, my fingers in his hair.

    I see the eyes widen as they see his glazed, empty gaze.

    I meet the eyes of one in the car as it speeds off — that is the one, I know, who will return for revenge.

    The car drives off into the night and I drop the head, realizing that — for the first time — it is snowing in the Midlands.

    [2013 Addendum: This is a odd one to look at now. In 1997, I did not have a daughter. Now I have two. And, for what it’s worth, my bedroom (four houses and sixteen years later) has French doors. That’s not going to help me get to sleep any easier.)