Today is July 30th.
On this day seven years ago I walked into my therapist’s office for the first time.
A few months earlier, one morning I had woken in a low, gray place.
This was not unusual; it was a common occurrence. I’d been there for quite a while. Years, in fact.
And, as I’d done every morning previously, I forced myself up and out of bed and made my way as best I could into the rest of my flat and featureless day.
On that particular morning however, I had a realization: Unless something changed, one morning soon I was going to find myself unable to get out of bed at all.
So… I called my doctor and made an appointment. He put me on medication for depression.
And I went online and found a therapist in walking distance of my office so that I could go see them on my lunch break without anyone at work knowing (at the time I worked for people who were *not* likely to be receptive to my situation or treatment).
I know a lot of people don’t click with their first (or second, or third) therapist. I got lucky with mine. Rapport developed quickly. Although, it’s probably also true that I am well-suited to the process.
I spent about three and a half years on medication. It took some time to find the right recipe and dosages, of course. Lots of tweaks and tinkering and managing side effects. And then there came a day when my doctors and I all agreed that the medications had served their purpose.
But even so . . . I stayed with therapy and continued to see my every single week. Even when my insurance changed and it was no longer covered. Even during COVID and lockdown forced us all to adjust to a new way of living, working, and connecting.
Honestly, it’s been one of the nest decisions I’ve ever made in my life.
I know a lot of people still dismiss therapy. Many think therapy is only for sick people or it’s something you do when there’s a specific problem to be fixed. A lot of people have had bad experiences with a therapist or counselor in the past. Some people just feel like therapy isn’t for everyone.
I can’t really speak to anyone else’s experience but after seven years, I’ve found my own thinking about therapy has evolved significantly.
Personally, I approach my weekly therapy the same way and for the same reasons that other people go to a gym. Only instead of building up physical health and endurance, I’m working on my emotional health and endurance. Because I want to be emotionally healthy. I want to know myself.
And I can’t do it by myself. I need someone to help me. My therapist is the professional trainer who’s there to help guide me through the process, the one who knows my personal history, my strengths and weaknesses..
And, after seven years, I’m much, much healthier.
I’m very grateful for that.
…
I still wake up in that low, gray place sometimes. And I worry about getting stuck there again.
But I know how to navigate that landscape now. And I know myself so much better now.
And I have help.